This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
