he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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