Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
