i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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