She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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