I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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