Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
