Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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