Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
