Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
