Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
youre lurking in front of me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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