I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We have started to decorate penises.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
