Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
