and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
