The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
