I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
