not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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