you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
