There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
