if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
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Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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