why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
