Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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