Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
