i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
