Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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