I wish I only lived at night.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
