I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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