I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
