when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
