I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
