If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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