In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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