She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
