when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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