I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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