i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
