I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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