I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
