I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
