she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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