i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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