I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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