I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You can't motorboat a personality
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
