i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
