you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
