I'm lost and stupid without you.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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