Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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