forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
