Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
