If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
