i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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