Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
