I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize