Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
