I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
