He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize