I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
