she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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