Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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