you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
