Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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