he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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