I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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