so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
