I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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