Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
