Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Everclear isn't food dammit
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
