well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
