she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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