thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
YAS. BRING CRAB.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
