: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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