So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
