I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
