I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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