Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
