Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
